Inspiring ABM Conference #ABMConf14

My alarm woke me, confused and half asleep at 4am yesterday.  Trying not to interrupt the peaceful snores of my family, I dressed, grabbed my already packed bag and slipped out to the car.  A short drive to the train station found me Birmingham bound, ready for this year's Association of Breastfeeding Mothers (ABM) conference.


I didn't go last year.  I had not long qualified as a Mother Supporter and had a lot on my plate with a 6 month old baby.  But I heard such amazing things that as soon as the tickets went on sale I put my order in.  Although I have had my reservations - booking a day that cost me an 8 hour train journey and a day away from my babies - I was foolish.  It was amazing.


The speakers for the day were just...timely.  Arriving at the exact moment I needed to them,


Naomi Stadlen - "Can't you pull your socks up darling?" Grandmothers, supportive and not-so-supportive.
Naomi made me see the grandmother through the mother's eyes and vice versa.  You can understand that some can make errors of judgement and the repercussions can be huge.


Anne Harper - Connecting the dots - social media and breastfeeding support in the C21st
Well, here I am with my blog associated to Facebook and Twitter.  I use breastfeeding support sites online and have done since before I became a mother.  Of course I also love the 'Dispelling Breastfeeding Myths' site so it is wonderful to put a face to a name.


Louise Hunter - Teenage Mothers who breastfeed :exiled on the Postnatal ward, exiled at home.
I sympathise hugely with young mothers, but what I took from this talk was that I also empathised.  I may have been in my twenties when I became a mother, but I was still naive, afraid and vulnerable.  We can learn so much from these strong young ladies.


Sarah Oakley - The Sharp End - Rising to the challenge of supporting mothers with tongue-tied babies
I have come across a few cases of tongue tie.  It is something that I find fascinating - it can have such an impact and cause such heartache.  With 1 in 10 affected it seems so important to raise the profile of this condition and ensure support.


Hollie McNish - A story from birth to work
I have been subscribed to Hollie's YouTube channel for a while.  She is just amazing.  The room was silent, except when filled with laughter.  She made me laugh and she filled me with emotion.  I hope she gets her book deal :)


Along with these speakers were a host of fascinating exhibitors, who were all so helpful, informative and friendly.


So, an emotional, inspiring day.  Really, at times it made me feel sick with excitement and emotion (and the migraine I nursed all day).  I arrived home at half past nine exhausted, emotional, excited and dying to go next year. Oh, and I'm writing again, with the quiet passion I had at the start.

Happy Birthday Dear Boob Group.....

As I fast approach my own birthday I was privileged to be invited to a very important celebration, a second birthday party.  Birthday parties for two year olds are of course generally thrilling events, attempting to control your sugar-rushed, hyped-up children, but this was a different affair.  This was celebrating two whole years of Deal Breastfeeding Support Group






At the event I rubbed shoulders with local MP Charlie Elphicke.  Shame that he didn't choose my baby for the obligatory 'MP and baby' photo, probably since mine was covered in mushed up hot cross bun.








The raffle (which I forgot to enter, sorry!) had some amazing prizes, including a cut and style at Men's style, and wine.  All this contributed to the day's fundraising which totalled £91!








I know I talk about the group a lot.  But I really do believe in them.  They provide such amazing support for mum's as well as raising awareness within the community.  The work they have done in two years makes me very excited about what is to come. 






The group chose this event to announce their education programme.  They are sponsoring 10 places for mums to train as 'Mother Supporters' with the Association of Breastfeeding Mothers.  I underwent this training about six months ago.  It was intense but interesting and rewarding.  It has enabled me to give back a little of the support I received.  But aside from that the course gives you more understanding of your own journey.  For the Deal community, this opportunity can only help in the sea change of breastfeeding awareness. 




'People give one another things that can't be giftwrapped' Nadine Gordiner






Anyway,  Happy Birthday DBSG and many happy returns xxx

Sorry I haven't been blogging.. (Or 'the trials of teaching')

I have been a bit absent from this blog lately.  I have been working on some exciting writing projects and of course enjoying time with my kids, but mostly I have just been snowed at work. You see, I'm a teacher. Yeah I know 'that's great, you get to spend the holidays with your kids' and 'so you finish at 3.20, that's so lucky.'  Well, that is true, but it's not quite so simple.

Yes I finish at 3.20. I jump straight in the car and drive home so I can maximise my time with my kids.  This is something that I feel fortunate about. But I don't drive alone. I am accompanied by books or paperwork.  In fact I spend around 1.5 hours working on 4 nights a week.  I'm not full time, I only work two and a half days a week.  If I didn't have the kids I would stay at work till 5 or 6 to get the job done, but I would rather see the kids.  I know that's my choice, but it means that when the kids are bathed and storied up, and I have gone snoozy from breastfeeding, I descend the stairs and get the books out. Not exactly first on my list of things I would like to do in the evening.  When you consider that I arrive at work at 8, I have already worked a 7.5 hour day, so add it all up and it starts to make me feel even more worn out. 

And the holidays?  Well, yes they are great. But teachers work in the holidays. Sure we also relax, but you know what, I am burnt out by then and I need the break. But the joy I used to get from a bit of a rest in the holidays along with a few days of hard graft to get myself caught up is tempered somewhat.  I have to look after the kids, so there again I have to work in the evenings, or when I can get somebody to watch the kids.  And resting? Well any parent knows that is rare. 

I don't mean to complain.  I consider myself lucky. I have a great job. I am lucky that i have more flexibility in my work than most working mums. I am passionate about teaching and really happy in what I do. It's fun, creative, rewarding, busy and the students are just great....But teaching is a real slog. I don't take breaks now that I don't express at work. I work any chance I get at home so that I can keep on top of things. So while I have the benefits of choosing when I work a little bit, I suffer from an industry where a great deal of 'overtime' is necessary. 

What is my point....I'm not entirely sure. If you are a parent and thinking of being a teacher, it's not all rosy. If you know a teacher, be nice to them. Being a working mum of any profession isn't easy, and being a teacher is certainly not as easy as public perception would make you believe. Also, I promise I will blog more now that the heavy marking season is over xxx

Breastfeeding, allaitement, nursing.....

Recently I travelled to France with one of my best friends, the husband and the kids.  A lovely wintery day trip was had.  At lunch time baby girl started to get whingey.  She was tired and hungry.  I knew that I had an easy way to stop her complaining and using her food as projectiles.... but I got cold feet.  I was under the impression that the French are not so 'boob friendly'  I was too afraid and held off feeding until I could secretly do so in my baby carrier as we strolled back towards the car. However, breastfeeding in public is essentially legal in France.  Although it is not generally as supported as in the UK so one could be subject to some prejudice.

Our little family has recently returned from California.  We had such a wonderful time.  On perhaps the second day we found ourselves outside.  Boy was playing in the park with daddy.  I was lounging with a fretful baby girl.  I wanted to feed her.  I was aware that by law I was OK, but I wasn't sure what the culture here was.  I faltered. 

There were two ladies and their kids sat near to me.  One of them started calling over her toddler (I would guess about 18 months). 
'Baby, you want Doh-Dots?'
(Toddler ignores her)
"Doh-Dots?  Come here baby, Doh-Dots"
I think to myself, 'she's got to mean breastfeeding'.  I couldn't think of anything else.  I start spying secretly.  Eventually toddler loses interest in whatever it was she was playing with and wanders over to mummy.  She promptly lifts her shirt snuggles up with toddler and they start nursing.  Mummy continues directing her other children and holding a conversation with a friend.

I smiled secretly.  At that exact moment where I felt unsure the solidarity of another mum had given me the confidence I needed to feed my baby - which I promptly did.  That just goes to show how important it can be!  On walking over to husband to tell him about my experience I spotted another woman nursing by the park, this time under a nursing cover.  I couldn't believe it.  2 in one park?  Plus me makes 3, that must be some new record!! (Having taken part in the Big Latch On I know that's not true).

Seriously, though, I have never seen so much open breastfeeding as I did in California.  It was awesome (said in an American accent, in case you are unsure).  Breastfeeding is protected by the Civil Code § 43-53 in California.  In fact in America breastfeeding in public is protected by law in most states in some form.


The following link shows the difference in perceptions of breastfeeding between the UK, the USA and France.

http://today.yougov.com/news/2013/09/11/french-women-least-tolerant-public-breastfeeding/

 I find these cutural differences fascinating.  I wander where it comes from, rates? Law? Health systems? Overriding political or religious sentiments?  But when travelling abroad a breastfeeding mother may feel unsure, even if she is aware of her legal status - yet another reason to breastfeed openly whenever possible, just in case a foreigner is feeling unsure :)

My how they've grown..

I recently went to a christening.  A friend of mine has a little two and a half year old boy.  He was bimbling around, content playing with the baby toys.  He was talking in stilted disjointed sentances.  He was popping out of the fire engine toy's roof and shouting 'DADDY, DADDY' until he was acknowledged.  I looked down on my lap where my three and a half year old sat.  He was grumpy because the toys were for babies (or so he claimed).  He chatters on all the time.  He has friends that he made himself.  He was disappointed that it's the school holidays because he wants to go to nursery and play all day with his new friends.  He is too big to go to toddler groups and has to be enticed with 'you can show your sister what to do'.  Yet when his sister was born he was like this other little boy.  Still in nappies, still not talking properly and happy spending all day playing with the same toys over and over. 


That same day my daughter took 4 steps.  4 steps!!  She can say mama.  She knows what she wants and asks for it.  Last night she went into her big girl bed.  We have been having issues at night as she wants to feed continually and my tolerance only goes so far.  However we have foud that if she isn't hungry she is just as content to have a big daddy cuddle. So, in her big girl bed, either I can cuddle her and feed her until I sneak away while she snores.  Or daddy can sneak in for a cuddle to soothe her tears.  She looks so tiny in her big bed.

It is so bittersweet.  Much as I love tiny babies they are just such heart rending hard work.  I am more comfortable with chatty playful toddlers.  Or even older (I teach at a secondary school -  a class full of teenagers doesn't bother me).  But I feel nostalgic for the old times.

  I am going to give away my rocking chair.  The place where I have spent countless hours nursing my babies.  Sleepy and dreamy and snuggly.  That feels like a big milestone, me saying that I don't need a place to feed my babies.  But I still have a place to feed my littlest toddler.  In her big girl bed (she is far too busy and grown up to feed in the day).

I know my breastfeeding days are numbered now. I know I am unlikely to ever hold my very own little newborn again. But I will have first steps, first words, first days at school, first friends and so on to make up for my unending sadness for the babies who are growing up.