I had chosen a pew at
the back and to one side with a view to breastfeeding if need be.
Also it was nice and near the door if I needed to dash out (you never
know when you might have to escape an angry mob when you publicly
breastfeed... :D). Even in the reserved Victorian era, women
breastfed visibly in church (according to Gabrielle Palmer's 'The
Politics of Breastfeeding'). Surely there could be no issue in our
liberated times? However, my baby's cries had drawn too much
attention. I felt watched, whether I was or not. I wasn't
completely at the back so there were people to my right who could
easily glance over. This church welcomes young children but there
were no others there today. The parishioners today were all over 50
at least. Would they judge me? Was their generation kindly towards
this behaviour or not? I was unsure. Nonetheless, I picked up my
baby's blanket and swathed myself in it planning to start to feed.
It felt awkward. Could anyone see my flesh? Would they know what
was going on under the fabric? Would anyone think this behaviour
inappropriate? I certainly didn't want to ruin anyone's spiritual
experience and cause a cacophony of British tutting around the church
to boot. I just felt too exposed. My reserve melted and I scuttled
away to the vestry to feed with the door ajar so I could hear the
service at least. As it happens, it was likely a good choice as my
baby was fretful and putting up a bit of a fight. I would probably
have become exposed at some point of the proceedings. However brave
I am about public breastfeeding I don't think the time was right for
nipples during Holy Communion
Anyway, on my return
twenty minutes later 'The Peace' was in progress. The vicar, doing
her rounds of the congregation, came to wish us peace. As she shook
my hand she asked if I had gone to feed my baby. I said yes,
truthfully. I was burning to ask her about the 'appropriateness' of
feeding in church, but before I rustled up the courage the vicar
smiled and walked on to the next congregation member. However, in
her face there had been no judgement. No disapproval. Would this
have been the same if I had sat and fed in the pew? I actually think
it would have. Another congregation member commented on how my
efforts to keep the baby quiet reminded him of his wife and their
children when they were small. I wonder if he knew why I had left
the room and whether his wife had done the same. Others told me that
me and my baby were quite welcome and they didn't mind being
disrupted by cries. But then, did they know what had gone on in the
vestry?
To me, my naked breast
makes no difference to my communication with 'Him Up There'. He
knows what goes on between me and my baby and I am sure would not
avert His eyes (Wow, quite philosophical for a first blog). Also, as
far as I am concerned, the alternative was either a screaming baby
(which nobody wants) or me missing out on a service that at that time
I felt in need of (just a lot to be thankful for right now).
Breastfeeding in church was really the most sensible option. I only
wish that I had the strength to stay in the pews. I bet that nobody
would have noticed, and if they did they would have taken no issue.
But I was too scared – and that is a shame. Why should I feel
concerned? Where has that fear come from? But, I still breastfed in
church. I didn't go home. I didn't just walk around trying to quiet
a starving baby with bounces and pats while her cries got on
everyone's nerves. And, if nobody else, the vicar knew what I did
(and God if you are inclined to believe such things). Next time I'll
have to be brave and stay put....maybe.
"and you shall nurse, you shall be
carried upon her hip,
and bounced upon her knees.
As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;
you shall be comforted in Jerusalem." (Isa. 66:12)
and bounced upon her knees.
As one whom his mother comforts,
so I will comfort you;
you shall be comforted in Jerusalem." (Isa. 66:12)
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